Of jet lag and different people

frikking jet lag. totally wrecks up your life. there are things to be done, places to go, people to meet and it all runs into a brick wall because your body cannot make up your mind whether it wants to rest or keep going. makes you wonder at times whether we were meant to travel at such high speeds in the first place - of course we were not - apparently we've outpaced evolution - our lifestyles are changing faster than we are.

This is going to be a tough week. Lots of traveling. Again - this is the part of my lifestyle that i like so much - and this is the exact same thing i cant stop complaining about to others. Maybe its because that I am enjoying it so much that I actually feel guilty about it and try and put up a show that I am not actually enjoying it. So that would be the masochistic streak we talked about sometime ago. Or maybe its because I complain to people who actually would rather be traveling and when i crib to them, it ruffles their feathers until they throw up their hands in the air exclaiming "what is wrong with this guy". That would be the sadistic streak in me. The different people that we are. hmmmm

The very different people we are "from one day to the next" - to borrow a quote from the song bittersweet symphony by the verve - drives you to the brink of insanity - it pulls you in so many different directions. Same event - at one time you are grateful for it and at others you cannot stop lamenting abt the exact same thing.

Every day of the week starting from last Saturday, I have been and am going to be in different cities spanning three continents! Monday - life returns to normalcy.

See, I've cribbed here too. I dont know if its the masochistic me or the sadistic me. You decide.

I have to leave - have to catch a flight in another 1 hr

cheers !

There is a season...

dont ask me what the title of this entry means.I have absolutely no idea where that came from. Actually if you were to believe it, then i think u should know that i am lying when i say that. Because, it is only I, of all ppl, who knows where that came from. Which is rather logical since I am the one who put it there in the first place. There is something about denial. It comes as a first nature to many and I am no exception. I hate to get embroiled into philosophical discusisons - deeper meanings - true meanings - so I deny knowledge and profess ignorance. I turn my back on sophists. I have no time for trivialties. But then, I digress.

Of what i have absolutely no idea is why i put it there. Denial again. Circumvension is my religion. Come to think of it, i actually do - since i've been humming this song ever since 8 in the morn today.It is a song that features on the soundtrack of the oh so wonderful movie, Forrest Gump. Lucky bastard, him. It also used to feature as the title song of a Sitcom. Picket Fences. They used to telecast on Star World. A long time back. I loved it. I'd never missed a show. I dont know why i liked it so much (Denial again) But it was probably the way they used to come up with an absorbing storyline using the same pool of limited characters. It gave me an insight into maybe the true nature of life. How all of us are inextricably intertwined with each other. One cannot be viewed as distinct from another.One helluva show.I hope they start airing it again. Actually another reason could be that Lauren Holly starred in that show and i really used to dig her then.Well, you know the mentality of a 15 year old.
So i guess we're never going to get to the bottom thiswhy i really liked that show .. sometimes its good to leave things that have been. As they were. Keeps it simple, retains that dreamy aura that enscons the memories. They are better left untouched

Hmmmm. And i liked that song too.
To everything there is a season.
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
...and so it goes. .
it drives home the truth. That there is nothing thats an ideal life.There will be sorrow,there will be happiness.There will be hate, there will be love.There will be times when you are all alone and there will be times when you are with all your friends having the time of ur life. Because this is what life is made of. This is what makes our life, our times such an enriching experience. Sorrow makes us cherish happines. He who hath not shed a tear knows not what a smile is.

It is just that we need the strength to walk out the storm. To strive against the wind. To bear it all because its certain as we turn around that dark corner, the golden splendor of light will light up our path. As we trudge with bent backs and spent effort over that hard climb, a verdant valley with blue ribbons for streams and glistening grass and fragrant flowers will welcome us with open arms and lay our burdens to rest. It is all up and down, and you have to surf it and make the best of it while you are at it. Things are never at the the lowest at the same timre they are never at the highest. There is always something worse, and there is always something better. But the catch is that we never know the limits. How bad can things ever be or how good they can ever be. S0, its a good deal to ride the wave and be pleasantly surprised when it tosses you to unprecedented heights at the same time to bear in mind that it could have been lower when it plunges u to depths unknown. It is a topsy turvy ride. But then then there is a time for everything, you have the torrential hails, you have a litling drizzle. You have the zephyrs and you have a veritable hurricane. You have the dark nights, You have the sunny days. You have the hot and humid days of summer and you have the crisp mornings of the winters. Indeed, to everything there is a season, and as we plough onwards, hurtling across the evanescent ether at millions of kms per second, time draws back the curtains laying down the path for us to a new experience, to a new perspective.

The key thing here is the strenght to weather the storm. And therein lies the answer - are u merely existing or living - its all a matter of choice...

The why's

I’ve been meaning to write, meaning to write for a long time now. I used to blog till some time ago.. I think it has been more than two years now.. when I was working, fresh out of college I had started on my new job- something I realised much later that I was not meant to do. It was a realization that came in within the first week itself – but I carried on nonetheless – like I have done all my life – I go on with the flow, primarily because I have no clue what would I rather be doing. But that is because I never attached myself to anything, be it a task or a person, more than what was required to retain sanity while I was with someone, or doing something. It was a good thing to do I guess – now that I look back in retrospect. I don’t know that when I sit down to write – hopefully what will be the first of many ramblings that will grace this space - I go back to two years ago. One of the reasons why I’ve decided to write is to help sort out things in my mind. I’ve been tossing things around in my mind for long now, replaying events, seeking explanations, imagining things, tracing clues, and its high time that I force some order into my life - that is why – half way across the world as I wait to fly back home, I pulled out my laptop and started typing – the first step is the most difficult one – thereupon everything flows. So, I’m sitting at the New Ark airport next to gate 55, waiting for my boarding call. I’ve spent the last 7 hours in the airport. Looking at people come and go, a welcome hug here and a tearful parting there. Times like these are important – when you have an out of body experience like these – when you a silent observer - and you get a chance to observe the intricate web of humanity around you that makes you feel so small and insignificant and its an uplifting experience – especially when you realise that all this time you had yourself singled as being the centre of the universe towards which all the injustices were directed – Today – I was finally able to get over the “why me” drone – albeit briefly. There is something that bothers me about me, I don’t know what it is exactly but it is a curious mix of masochism, self-pity, denial, introversion. I run away from happy moments now, I detest social engagements, I hate being with people to the point of being rude to them, I sit and wallow. And I almost enjoy it. There is a lot of anger that I direct at people around me for no fault of theirs. I want people to hate me, fear me, detest me. That has become the mainstay of my life – I’ve realised that I am getting very good at this. Me – a boring, introverted, irate me . I now like making people uncomfortable. I was not like this. OK, maybe boring and introverted – but I was the adjusting kind, I used to be good with people. I used to respect people. Things change and look how they do. One day you are one person – and the next day you are a monster. One day you think you have everything and the next day you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. One day you are walking by side of the river on a lovely promenade lined with trees blossoming with flowers so that their branches droop so low with their florid weight that leaves brush your hair you amble along. And then, the next day you are on a rugged, moor at the end of the world on a moonless night with the howling winds taking jibes at your battered self. That is how life changes. And that is how it changes you.

They just made the boarding call, I have to move now. I hope they have some good movies on the plane otherwise it is going to be a long flight. Beer would help for sure. And Red wine. If nothing else – there will always be my laptop.

It is strange, that this be the day exactly two years ago when I asked her out and she had said yes.

The answer

..my friend is blowing in the wind ! the answer is blowing in the wind ... tadum!